This is absolute genius. Or not, clearly. Someone didn’t think, and then someone else didn’t check. Result – unmitigated disaster. Not helped, I’m afraid, by the rather lacklustre response. Please, please – if you’re going to issue something in a particular language, make sure that you get it right. Otherwise you look like a bunch of amateurs. Which, in fairness, these guys probably are.

http://www.worldcarfans.com/9090430.016/avus-performance-shows-audi-rs6-white-power–they-must-be-joking

Sorry, the title of this is simply there as a desperate attempt to lift the blog up the search engine rankings. And also because I find it amusing.

Let’s talk about Damian McBride. I think I can safely call him ‘McPoison’ because that’s what all the lovely media commentators have told us that that’s what he was referred to as by the great and good in Whitehall and Westminster. Apparently. No names – as far as I read – were allocated to this, but, hey! ‘McPoison’ it is. Great.

Once upon a time – and thanks to AA Gill for making me shake with laughter with the comment that if he opened a restaurant, it would have to be called ‘Once a Ponce a Thyme’, genius – (and I’ve taken it out of context, sorry) – I had a boss who at the very beginning of my career with him told me never to believe my own hype. Basically, what he was repeating was the old ‘rule’ – the communicator is not the story. Once the communicator becomes the story, or, worse, believes that she or he should be the story – because of the amount of power, knowledge or influence that that individual has, or believes they have – then the only way is out. Generally a fast out, and in a downward trajectory.

It has to be said, being a f*ckwit adds to the issue.

So, Mr McBride. Not a good look, it has to be said. When the papers said that he was old school, spending his time briefing over long lunches, you just had to take one look at him to accept the veracity of the reportage. Hold on, though – just one cotton-picking minute – wasn’t this a man who probably worked 24/7 without any time for himself or others – mostly in darkened rooms long after the rest of us were home dining with our families or enjoying beverages and badinage with our mates? There’s a reason why politicians and those who work with them look rubbish – stress, overwork, the general horror of being a (reasonably) public servant in the spotlight, all the time.

So forgive McPoison for looking bad. But what about the name – ‘McPoison’? Daily Mail (eurgh) readers are happy to believe that this man was evil incarnate, and it only takes a few well-chosen rumours to ensure that this nickname becomes a matter of public record. Let’s – however – not forget that the same journalists that had been feeding off him for years are the ones who nailed him the moment they got a sniff of misfortune. Fickle, that’s the issue – but (and again, hey!) if you’re reading this and you’re in communications, this ain’t no surprise.

So what’s it all about then? Well, if I can bear to squeeze myself into the mind of a Daily Mail reader once again (god, it’s small in here) it’s about the scurrilous nonsense that Mr McBride was emailing to others. Made up rubbish. All without foundation. And yet, if you can believe the subsequent media coverage (and I have to, it’s my living) these rumours were nothing new. They’d been going round for some time.  There’s even a perverse theory that implies that somehow the Conservatives themselves may have been complicit in this. (No, I don’t know how that works either.)

Anyway, so what was McBride’s real fault in all of this?

Believing his own hype. He actually thought that sending those emails, to the people he sent them to would be fine. And that, because he was what he was, they would not come back and bite him on the bum. I’m sorry, but even the rawest junior account executive – if she or he has any talent at all – realises that you do not commit that sort of stuff to paper, never mind email. And, supposing you were stupid enough to do so, you pick who you send it to. Very carefully indeed.

 No-one – in the PR/Comms field – is that important that they cannot be comprehensively caned. We are not the story. Never forget.

(I’m sure, however, Mr McBride is now an extremely highly-paid consultant to a City Public Affairs firm. And good luck to him.)

I was contacted recently by a friend and ex-colleague who is Marketing Director at a large, but specialist, global organisation. Over the last year, and bucking the trend completely, the company’s been on the acquisition and expansion trail and, as such, is starting to attract attention outside of its immediate trade media. They’re quite used to issuing media announcements, but it’s now got to the point where the managing director feels the company needs to develop its own persona – in his words “our press releases are too ‘corporatey'”. Actually, my heart sank when I heard that – those are the words of someone who knows it should be different, but doesn’t know enough about communication to express how different it should be, but that’s another story. (Soon to be addressed here.)

A couple of their latest releases were sent to me, and I’ll simply reproduce my response – with the names and places changed to protect the innocent.

“If you wanted a template for the construction of future releases, there are a few things you might consider:

 

1)      Snappy headline. I know it sounds a bit trite and obvious, but the headline is what sells the story. A good headline saves the journalist writing his own, so if you can provide something clever, then – chances are – it’ll get used. The other thing about the headline (and the sub-head, if you choose to use one) is that it should contain the essence of the story – what’s the key fact, what’s the news.

2)      Less is more. The old adage goes ‘tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them it, then tell them what you’ve told them’ – this is the three paragraph model of the press release. The first para – and forgive me if I’m teaching my granny to suck eggs – should have the five Ws – who, what, why, when and where – and the sixth W if necessary – (w)how. The rest is icing.

3)      Develop a few key messages or phrases about your business – “Cxxxx, the world’s fastest growing xxxx organisation”. “Cxxxx, the leader in the utilities xxxx sector”, “Cxxxx, the leading provider of xxxx solutions” – and use them wherever possible. Also develop a ‘boiler plate’ paragraph, a ‘this is Cxxxx’ statement, which you should append to every release. Given that you have so many subsidiaries, each one of them should also develop their own boiler plate – eg Sxxxx should have its own.

4)      Develop your own company ‘language’. Some companies are happy with the straightforward, tell-it-like-it-is, corporate stuff – others (and being lazy, I’ll cite Innocent) have their own way of presenting themselves – irreverent, rebellious, iconoclastic – choose which suits. But bear in mind that this is what corporate reputation is built on and if you choose a particular style or language, it becomes part of the corporate ethos and you have to stick with it – and you have to have someone who can write it, consistently.

5)       When it comes to quotations, be a little more creative. It’s a representative of the company, talking about the company – it’s a person, not a machine. Here you can use colloquialisms and be a bit more gung-ho. Don’t attribute a quotation to two people – a journalist will never attribute a quote to two people – so it’s better to give each spokesperson their own quotation. They may not get used, but at least the journalist has something to choose from.

6)      Give it context – this is the ‘why’ piece. Is there background, relevant reasoning to what you’re doing. I like the piece in the Singapore release about opportunity out of turmoil – this makes the story relevant and part of a bigger picture and thus more newsworthy.

7)      A minor thing, but worth pointing out – it’s not ‘Cxxxx subsidiary, Sxxxx has opened an office……….’ It’s ‘Cxxxx, leading international xxxx organiser has opened an office through subsidiary Sxxxx’. Sxxxx’s not the story – Cxxxx is.

8)      Ultimately, when you’ve decided what your communication’s going to look like, make sure that everyone in the organisation knows about it. Any communication coming out of Cxxxx should have the same look and feel and be recognisable as news from the global brand.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, welcome to The Wordmonger’s blog – a companion to www.thewordmonger.com, comms and pr counsel, online and onna budget. If we can, we will and if we can’t, we’ll tell you why not.

As a flavour of what you might expect from this, here’s a story from today. Cutting a long one short, in the depths of a multinational company, a senior bod is being thrown to the media lions in a country not far from Russia. Understandably, he’s looking for guidance from his comms person on the ground and there’s not much time before he’s out there and being grilled.

What does he get? A Q&A document – but it’s mostly Qs, which he’s going to have to answer himself. In fact, he could have saved himself some effort and simply cut out the middle man – in this case, his comms advisor.

What do we learn from this? Comms, PR, call it what you will, must add value. If it’s not helping you position yourself or your business, making suggestions as to what you should say and how you should present yourself, understanding your business and defining your messages – well – then it’s of no use to man nor beast.

Good comms can make the difference between success and failure – poor comms is a drain on resources.

All the best.